“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
Maya Angelou
He lowered his chin, eyes downcast at the sound.
Something crashing against a wall. It could have been a plate, or a cup. Maybe even that mug he’d bought her for her birthday.
Screams. More of them. A few words intelligible, the rest a cacophony of expletives.
He sighed. An unlit cigarette was in his left hand. He’d been twiddling it between his fingers for a while now, as he leaned against the vehicle.
He wanted to light it. Desperately. But it was the last one in the packet and he dared not leave the yard for fear her anger would become even more evident.
He looked upward at the sky and felt moisture in his eyes.
He blinked the impending tears away.
When they’d first met, it was a whirl of emotions, a honeymoon lasting months, that now in hindsight, had blinded him to the toxicity that his closest had warned him about.
“Be careful, man, You’re not someone’s punching bag” one had said.
“I know, I’ll be fine” he’d smiled.
That was almost two years ago. It had been downhill from there. The early passionate nights, when the lovemaking lasted till dawn, soon replaced by dinners alone.
The disagreements had started small. Scuffed shoes and mud on the steps after work.
He’d cleaned up afterwards but it had descended into an argument over responsibilities.
The next had been about her friends.
Always over.
Every weekend.
The booze.
The loud music.
The early hours of the morning.
Complaining neighbors had had to be appeased on more than one occasion.
His brother’s wedding had been a source of angst as well. That his sister in-law and her didnt get along was well known, dating back years.
That it had panned out in front of the wedding guests had been embarrassing.
“Leave her” his brother had said to him bluntly
“I’m in love with her” had been his quiet response.
“She’s not good for you” the retort had come, almost pleading.
“She needs me right now, more than mom does”.
How the grief had wracked his body as weeks later they’d both stood side by side as their mother’s casket was lowered into the dusty ground, her battle with cancer lost.
His brother hadn’t spoken to him after that.
It had been almost a year now.
None of his friends visited anymore. Hell, he hadn’t even gotten a text from any of them in months, except for the odd holiday messages, he no longer existed.
Another sound of shattering glass roused his senses and as the faint smell of alcohol reached his nostrils, he knew it was the wine he’d been saving for their anniversary.
He walked closer to the front door and peered in through the screen.
Their once beautiful living room was a kaleidoscope of broken furniture, cutlery and a mishmash of things they’d collected together.
He entered slowly, careful not to step on shards of broken glass.
He felt his heart sink at a cracked photo frame, turned on its side, the wooden boundaries, splintered.
It showed them together. His cheeky grin, looking directly into her eyes as she wrapped her arms around him.
He bent to pick it up. Shook a bit of the broken glass off the edges of the frame and stared with regret at the picture in front of him.
The world had seemed a happier place then.
Her voice caught him off guard. “Why are you still here?”
He continued to stare at the photo.
“I asked you! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!” Her voice ragged and sore, was still etched with pain.
He raised his eyes slowly toward her.
Bedraggled, hair awry, one side of her blouse slipping below her right arm. She looked small and frail.
She’d always been beautiful though, even without makeup.
Now her eyes were swollen and stains of dirt and dried tears, smudged her face.
He walked slowly toward her. Hands reaching out.
She tried to flail her arms about, in a gesture of resentment, but he embraced her instead, holding her close and felt her collapse into a sob within his bosom.
“I love you” he kissed her forehead gently.
She wept. A torrent of tears.
“I know”
He felt her sink to her knees, clutching at her abdomen and the emptiness she felt at the life she once carried.
“But I love you, won’t bring him back”